Thinkabouts 0501-1000

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 4's?
Do slugs have any purpose whatsoever? Or do they just lie around looking slimy?
Do steam rollers really roll steam?
Do submarines have anchors?
Do the soft drink signs that read "Drink Canada Dry" encourage alcoholism in Canada?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?
Do they make Braille signs that say 'Hot, Do Not Touch?' If so, why?
Do they make silencers for staple guns?
Do they use a fore-cylinder engine in golf carts?
Do tire repairmen demand a flat fee?
Do to the other fellow as he would do unto you. But for God's sake do it first!
Do tobacco companies have no-smoking areas?
Do two normal people make one paranormal?
Do unto data that which you are able to undo.
Do unto others, then run...
Do vampires observe daylight savings time?
Do watermelons have so much water in them because they're planted in the spring?
Do witches have a spell checker?
Do women computer users receive Fe-mail?
Do you and your cohorts ever wonder what a 'hort' is?
Do you drink ice or eat it?
Do you ever find yourself calling your children by the wrong name and feel like kicking yourself for spending so much time selecting just the right name for each child?
Do you ever panic when you walk into a building that doesn't have any exit signs?
Do you ever wonder if there are arguments among the astronauts as to who gets the window seat?
Do you find it ironic that they interrupted Judge Judy to show the O.J. Simpson trial?
Do you get A-flat minor if you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
Do you get chocolate milk from dirty cows?
Do you get ground beef from cows with no legs?
Do you get lean beef from two-legged cows?
Do you get milkshakes from Californian cows?
Do you get spoiled milk from pampered cows
Do you have any problems besides the obvious ones?
Do you know how hard it is NOT to say anything stupid?
Do YOU know the Muffin Man?
Do you know why the Chinese people are so small? It's because it's impossible to eat rice with chopsticks!
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Do you really think it matters what temperature the room is? Wouldn't it always be room temperature?
Do you suppose Bill Gates ever buys lottery tickets?
Do you think anybody, before the 20th century, ever saw the color neon green in their lifetime?
Do you think bankruptcy lawyers should expect to be paid? And if so by whom?
Do you think chickens find a rubber human funny?
Do you think Houdini ever locked his keys in his car?
Do you think it's a coincidence that the Space Shuttle holds seven people; the same number of people that were stranded on Gilligan's Island?
Do you think Maternity Shops are open on Labor Day?
Do you think Noah blamed El Niño for the flood?
Do you think that all things electronic operate on smoke? It is sealed inside the component at the factory and if the smoke ever gets out the part is no longer functional. This has to be true doesn't it? After all, how many times have you ever seen an  electronic device work right after smoke has been emitted?
Do you think that if Gatorade were invented during the Roman Empire that it would have been called Gladiatorade?
Do you think that in about 40 years, elderly couples will hold hands and say, 'Listen hon, they're screaming our rap song'?
Do you think that the day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck will probably be the day they start making vacuum cleaners?
Do you think that worrying works? After all, 90 percent of the things I worry about never happen, so it must, right?
Do you think the Miss Universe pageant is fixed? After all, when was the last time someone from other than Earth won it?
Do you think the Three Mile Island cleanup team used Mop And Glow floor wax?
Do you think they have limerick tournaments in Nantucket?
Do you think those single sneakers you see lying out on the roadside are searching for their sole mates?
Do you think William Shakespeare's close friends called him Bill?
Do Zamboni drivers pay more for automobile insurance since they always seem to be driving in icy conditions?
Does "anal retentive" have a hyphen?
Does "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" apply to masochists?
Does 2:30 (tooth hurty) mean that it's time to go to the dentist?
Does a backwards poet write inverse?
Does a broken Window get you 7 meg. of bad luck?
Does a crowded elevator smell different to a midget?
Does a medical book have an appendix?
Does a person who is 'all thumbs' need a hand?
Does a postman deliver his own mail?
Does a postman deliver his own mail?
Does a psychic amnesiac know in advance what he's going to forget?
Does a razor stop being a razor when it is no longer "razor sharp?" If so what is it then?
Does a seeing-eye dog only have one eye? Perhaps the other eye is blind, do you think?
Does a still count as indoor plumbing?
Does an Archeologist's career always lie in ruins?
Does anybody else find it ironic that couples often separate because they don't spend enough time together?
Does anybody else find it odd that to celebrate President's Day, the government stops providing all services whatsoever?
Does anybody find it odd that the people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bagpipes and called it music?
Does anybody really own a cat?
Does anybody remember that the American Revolution was fought over a 2% tax on tea?
Does anyone else hate it that spellcheck won't accept "Y'all?"
Does anyone else see the irony of misspelling "Intelligence?"
Does anyone else think a street called 'Park Drive' is confusing?
Does anyone ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, this question is totally pointless?
Does anyone have soft wood floors?
Does aroma therapy make scents?
Does being right half the time beat being half-right all the time?
Does Bill Gates have screens on his windows?
Does crazy glue come from insane horses?
Does fake fur come from stuffed animals?
Does fuzzy logic tickle? What about fuzzy math?
Does it hurt to be on the cutting edge?
Does it stink when you get a brain fart?
Does it take two half-salers to make a wholesaler?
Does Justice have a seeing eye dog? Or at least a white cane? She is blind, isn't she?
Does killing time harm eternity?
Does no-fault insurance cover earthquakes?
Does sound travel faster if the wind is blowing?
Does the chaos theory apply to chaos?
Does the eye-tooth watch for cavities?
Does the fact that mirrors reflect everything in a reversed state lead you to believe that they are just mere errors?
Does the film in a camera weigh more after a picture is taken?
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
Does the Little Mermaid wear seashells because B-shells are too small and D-shells are too big?
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Does the ocean get snow?
Does the periodic table occur more often than an occasional table?
Does the Postmaster General need a stamp of approval?
Does the President Get President's day off?
Does the President get President's day off?
Does the Queen sometimes have a bad heir day?
Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?
Does vacuuming count as aerobic exercise?
Does your chewing gum lose it's flavor on the bed post overnight?
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
Doesn't your high school or college reunions prove that things don't improve with age?
Doesn't 'counter' mean 'opposite'? If so, then wouldn't 'counter-intelligence' mean 'stupidity'?
Doesn't distance make us wiser because without it we would not know closeness?
Doesn't every new beginning come from another beginnings end?
Doesn't the body mass index formula prove that researchers have way too much time on their hands?
Doesn't the early bird also have to EAT the worm?
Dogmatism is puppyism come to its full growth.
Dolphins seem pretty smart to me. Within a few weeks of captivity they can train humans to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish.
Don't be afraid to take a big step. After all, you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Don't be so humble, you're not that great.
Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
Don't eat the mints in the urinal.
Don't expect too much and you won't be disappointed.
Don't fart and waste it; burp and taste it!
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. - Don't worry, I won't.
Don't hate yourself in the morning; sleep till noon.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
Don't just do something, stand there!
Don't kick a man when he's down unless you're certain he won't get up.
Don't look back; something might be gaining on you.
Don't marry a tennis player; or love means nothing to them.
Don't squat with your spurs on.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
Don't tempt me to unleash the one-legged Space Chickens.
Don't use a magnanimous statement where a diminutive one will suffice.
Don't we all experience moments absolutely free from worry? You know, those times when total panic sets in.
Don't worry about dying: it's not going to happen in your lifetime.
Don't you agree that many of today's open minds should be closed for repairs?
Don't you find numbers that aren't divisible by two really odd?
Don't you just hate it when you see one of those road signs that say 'Draw Bridge Ahead' and you don't have a pencil?
Don't you love the way that paint sticks to the wall all by itself?
Don't you think that too many people are educated far beyond their intelligence?
Don't you think that with all their security NASA would be able to keep all those rats, mice, and crickets from getting aboard the space shuttle?
Don't you think that with the proper amount of manpower, pliers, ropes, belts and duct tape, you actually COULD lead a horse to water AND make it drink?
Don't you think the chicken came first? Wouldn't God look rather silly sitting on an egg?
Donald Duck has three nephews. Where is his brother or sister? And why can't they take care of their own kids?
Donald's a duck. Mickey's a mouse. Pluto's a dog. What is Goofy? Is he a cow? His girlfriend has an utter.
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
Don't count your chickens before they cross the road
Don't hate me because I'm smarter than you, stupid!
Don't put concern in your future; put concern in your past and put optimism in your future. For if you are optimistic about tomorrow, the present will happen today.
Don't steal, the government hates competition.
Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends; tell me where to get more wax!!
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
Door of a plastic surgeons office: "Hello, can we pick your nose?"
Dove soap claims to be 99.9 percent pure--but pure what? I've never heard them say, have you?
Drawing on my fine command of the english language... I said nothing.
Dreaming in color is just a pigment of your imagination.
Drink 'till she's cute, but stop before the wedding.
Driving is a lot like coloring: you don't have to stay in the lines, but it works a lot better when you do.
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
Drunk actors are people who can't handle their boos
Duct tape is like the force: it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
Due to circumstances beyond your control, you are master of your fate and captain of your soul.
During an earthquake are drunks the only people who can walk straight?
Dying isn't so bad, it's just that you're so stiff the next day that's the problem.
Dyslexics have more fnu.
Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.
EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.
Earth is full. Go home.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may cancel your VISA.
ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma) -- n. A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in the rearview mirror.
Editing is a rewording activity.
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
Elevators do more than elevate: they also lower.
Energize! said Riker, and a pink bunny appeared!
English is a language in which double negatives are a no-no.
Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead.
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Ensign Expendable, step on that rock!
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
Eu dudx/ ex dy/ Cosine, secant, tangent, sine/ 3.14159/ Binary, octal, decimal, hex/ We think math is better than sex!
Eve invented the walking stick when she gave Adam a little Cain.
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Even if you fall on your face you're still moving forward.
Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
Even worse than raining cats and dogs is hailing taxis.
Ever consider what dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul--chicken, pork, and half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
Ever notice that a human baby doesn't walk until it's tall enough to reach a man's crotch?
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
Ever watch old movies? Have you noticed that nobody ever had to use a bathroom? Not even the animals. Can you imagine 200 potty trained horses in those old Westerns?
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 a throw on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
Ever wonder how many people are doing or saying the exact same thing as you are at the exact same time as you are? Right now I'm scratching my toe, what are you doing?
Ever wonder if the public library started out as one person who couldn't bear to sell any of the books he bought?
Ever wonder what number your doctor was in his graduating class?
Every day you wake up one day closer to dying.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
Every silver lining has a cloud.
Every time I get the urge to exercise, I lie down untill the feeling passes.
Every time I walk  into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
Everybody repeat after me: "We are all individuals."
Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
Everyone has a photographic memory, it's just some of us don't have any film.
Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Everyone talks about bad puns, but is there such a thing as a good pun? And if there isn't, then why do we say 'bad pun'? If all puns are bad, then we're just being redundant, aren't we?
Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.
Everything begins with 'E.'
Everything is more fun when you say, "Wheeeeee!"
Everything is possible except skiing through revolving doors.
Everything is still the same, only a little different.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
Exactly what is an 'isolated thunderstorm?' Is it one that none of the other thunderstorms will speak to?
Exactly what is it that is wrong with me?
Exactly what is 'monkey business'?
Exactly when and why did 'no problem' replace 'you're welcome' as the proper response to 'thank you?'
Exactly where is yonder? Can you go over it?
Expect to get your pay raise the same day the firm raises the parking fees.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Experts really don't know anymore than you do, they're just better organized and have overhead slides.
Falling in love makes smoking pot all day look like the ultimate in restraint.
Fast. Powerful. User-friendly. Now choose any two.
Father, bless me, for I have sneezed.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
Fifth Law of Applied Terror: If you are given an open book test, you will forget your book. Corollary: If you are given a take home test, you will forget where you live.
Finger Food: Appetizer at McCannibal's.
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Fools! I am the king of the goldfish.
For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out.
For every action there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
For every winner, there are many losers. Chances are that you are one of them.
For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness.
For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Forget about world peacevisualize using your turn signal!
Forget the dog. Beware of the wife.
Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
Forrest Gump's statement, 'Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get', doesn't make sense, does it? When you open a box of chocolate, don't you always get chocolate?
Free verse: the triumph of mind over meter.
Fresh bread gets hard, and stale croutons get soft. Go figure.
Friction can be a drag.
Friends don't let friends drive naked.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Friends may come and go but enemies accumulate.
Friends: People who know you well, but like you anyway.
Friends: the people who stab ya in the front.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Frust (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Gambling is a great way of getting nothing for something.
Gas refund: Total December bill: $1,515.00. Total refund: $15.26. Why bother?
Gene Police: YOU!! Out of the pool!
George Washington's brother was the uncle of our country.
Get revenge! Live long enough to be a burden to your children.
Getting there is half the fun, but doesn't it always take three-fourths of the vacation budget?
Girls will refuse to admit to liking either gentlemen or jerks. I guess you have to open the door and then push them through.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day. Give a man a case of dynamite and soon the village will be showered with mud and seaweed and unidentifiable chunks of fish.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.
Give Tips: Support counter intelligence.
Given a conflict, Murphy's law supercedes Newton's.
Given an infinite number of geeks in an infinite number of Star Trek conventions, would there be at least one life?
Go ahead, make my data!
God Bless America, but God help Canada to put up with them!
God gave us two ends. One to sit on and one to think with, right? So doesn't success depend on which one you use? Heads you win, Tails you lose.
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference...
God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
God put me on this planet to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I'm so far behind I'll never die.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to McDonald's makes you a hamburger.
Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.
Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
Gravity: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW.
Guests who kill talk show hosts-On the last Geraldo.
Guitars for sale cheap. No strings attached.
Gum is the only commodity that I know of that comes in 17-packs.
Guns don't kill people, bullets kill people.
Guys don't care what's on TV. It's what else is on TV that they care about.
Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror, and you would not have been informed.
Hangover: The wrath of grapes.
Happiness is a warm puppy, said the anaconda.
Hard work must have killed someone, don't you think?
Hard work never killed anybody...but why take chances?
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Has anybody ever seen a fast-food burger that looks as good as the ones in the TV commercials? Obviously, on TV they use professional superburgermodels.
Has anybody noticed that if you put the two words 'THE' and 'IRS' together, it spells 'THEIRS?'
Has anyone else noticed that the AT&T logo looks like the Death Star?
Has anyone ever actually parked their ample when such parking is available?
Has anyone ever been illegally blind?
Has anyone ever heard of a minor motion picture?
Has anyone ever seen a sit-down comedian?
Has anyone ever seen or heard a breaking news report interrupt a commercial?
Has anyone really seen a 'Bull in a China Shop?'
Has the time machine been invented yet?
Have a nice day...somewhere else.
Have those people who wish they could have their youth back, forgotten about Algebra?
Have you actually seen anybody laughing all the way to the bank?
Have you actually seen anybody use a laptop on their lap? Why don't they just call it a tabletop?
Have you ever found something that you were looking for, forgot that you found it, and keep looking for it?
Have you ever had a day where you feel like your ship may have come in, but you were at the airport?
Have you ever looked at the word 'laugh' and tried to sound it out?
Have you ever noticed Bob Barker's microphone? It's like the size of a Twizzler. Is he too weak to hold a regular sized one?
Have you ever noticed that even the busiest people are never too busy to tell you just how busy they are?
Have you ever noticed the white hygienic seat cover in public restrooms? Look closer when you unfold it. Why is the cutout in the shape of someone's head?
Have you ever noticed: anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
Have you ever seen an unhappy horse?
Have you ever thought of all the holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
Have you ever thought that maybe the Jones' are trying to keep up with you?
Have you ever thought that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30% of the people on this world?
Have you ever watched a fishing show for about 15 minutes and then asked yourself 'Boy, I need a life?'
Have you ever wished you were what you were when you wished you were what you are now?
Have you ever wondered how many limbs the guys who invented the external combustion engine lost before they decided to go with the internal idea?
Have you ever wondered whether bees are really as busy as we think they are? Maybe its just because they can't buzz any slower, do you think?
Have you ever wondered whether today's movies escaped rather than be released?
Have you ever wondered who you were in a past life? And have you ever wondered where your bones are buried? If you found out, would you go dig yourself up? And if you got caught, would you claim that you were an existentialist out trying to find yourself?
Have you ever wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs? But then again, have you ever tasted baby food lately?
Have you ever wondered why they don't treat pyromaniacs with anti-inflammatory drugs?
Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk?
Have you noticed that nostalgia isn't what it used to be?
Have you noticed that whenever a man refers to a game as silly and childish it's because his wife can usually beat him at it?
Having a smoking section in a restaurant is a little like having a peeing section in a pool.
Having an out of body experience. Back in five.
He doesn't have much of a reputation, or so I've heard.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
He who hesitates is probably right.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
He's not dead--he's electroencephalographically challenged.
He's so fat his favorite food is "Seconds."
Headline never seen: "Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!"
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Heck was created by the Almighty Gosh for those who refuse to believe in Jepers Cripes.
Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.
Hell hath no fury like a wallflower with a sociology degree.
Hell is where the hot chicks are.
Help stamp out, eliminate, and eradicate superfluous and excessive redundancy.
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't.
Heredity is what a man believes in until his son starts to behave like a delinquent.
Hey all you women! Want to lose weight? Become an astronaut and go to the moon.
Hey is for horses who can't spell.
Hi hoe, hi hoe, off to the motel we go. So I'll get laid and you'll get paid, hi hoe, hi hoe, hi hoe hi hoe.
High explosives are applicable where truth and logic fail.
Hillbilly bumper sticker: If you can read this, you're in range.
Hitting your modem with an aluminum baseball bat is only going to get you electrocuted. Use a wooden one.
HOLD UP! What light through that there winder breaks? Is it the east? No! It's Juliet watchin' the Nicks vs. the Suns!
Home is where your house is.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Honk If You Want To See My Finger!
How are we supposed to find the meaning of life when we can't even find all of the socks we put into the dryer?
How big is a garden before it is a farm?
How can a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds?
How can any deodorant have a scent of its own? If it really worked, wouldn't it wipe itself out?
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
How can it be 'unseasonably cold' in winter? Isn't winter suppose to be cold?
How can more than 100 cable channels all go to commercials at the same time?
How can one TV station have the "exclusive" accurate weather? Did they "storm" in and scoop the others?
How can Smurfs always run around in white socks but never get grass stains?
How can someone "draw a blank"?
How can someone "draw a blank?"
How can temporary insanity be a valid murder defense? People kill people. That's an animal instinct. Don't you think that breaking into someone's home and ironing all their clothes would be a better example of temporary insanity?
How can there be self-help "groups?"
How can there be solo synchronized swimming?
How can these professors measure our intelligence with theirs?
How can they have a book entitled "The Untold Story?" If it's untold then just what exactly is in the book?
How can water run when it has no legs?
How can we know what we think before we hear what we say?
How can you dance to the beat of a different drummer if you're a one-man band?
How can you dig yourself out of a hole?
How can you fight fire with fire? Wouldn't you just get more fire?
How can you hear a pin drop? When it's dropping, it's not making any sound. It makes sounds when it stops dropping, right?
How can you look up words in a dictionary if you can't spell them?
How can you tell the rare 1961 pennies, with the date upside down, from the ordinary ones?
How come "crash course" and "collision course" mean different things?
How come "I am right, no?" and "I am right, yes?" mean the same thing?
How come a 10-gallon hat doesn't hold 10 gallons?
How come a child's eagerness to assist in any project varies in inverse proportion to their ability to actually do the work involved?
How come a gymnast can do back flips on a four inch balance beam with 10,000 people watching and music blaring in her ears, but a golfer can't hit a stationary ball if someone clicks a camera shutter?
How come a person can be street-wise but not clock-wise?
How come a Secondary Review is always done by a Third Party?
How come all inanimate objects always seem to move just enough to get in your way?
How come all of the days of the week aren't all called weekdays?
How come all the labels refer to it as 'tomato ketchup'? What other kind of ketchup is there?
How come an article of clothing that you want is NEVER in your size?
How come boring people are never hoarse?
How come cartoon characters that don't wear clothes during the day wear pajamas at night?
How come cats can leave white paw prints on a black car then jump onto a white car and leave black paw prints?
How come cats wink at you when you're alone, but don't when you try to show someone else that they can do it?
How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you're doing it?
How come even if you put white, blue, red, or green clothing in the dryer, the lint always comes out gray?
How come every test you study for is easy, yet all the tests you don't study for are difficult?
How come every time history repeats itself, the price goes up?
How come everybody at the FBI seems to be a special agent? Don't they have any regular ones?
How come everything we buy, from CDs to food, is packaged as though the manufacturers are afraid we're going to get into it?
How come ghosts can walk through walls, but don't fall through the floor?
How come golfers yell 'four,' take 'five,' and write down 'three'?
How come hedge trimmers don't come with a warning about the dangers of wearing camouflage pants?
How come if you leave a plate of food on the counter it will get cold but if you leave a glass of pop on the same counter it will get warm?
How come in a movie or on TV, when a television is turned on, the exact information that was needed is always being aired on that channel and at that particular time?
How come in all the sci-fi shows and comic books, 9 out of 10 aliens speak English?
How come in an otherwise vacant locker room, the only other person will have the locker right next to yours?
How come in most hospital rooms they have a sign posted that reads 'Do not leave valuables in room'? If you consider yourself valuable (as you should), what do they expect you to do?
How come in the movies, bed sheets form an 'L' shape so that it comes up to the waist of the man but to the chest of the woman?
How come in the movies, kids always go to school at, like 9:30 in the morning? Doesn't anyone ever have normal school? You know, one that starts when it's dark, 7 am, cold, and with bad lighting?
How come in the movies, whenever there are identical twins, one of them was born evil?
How come it takes a lot of things to prove you are smart but only one thing to prove you are ignorant?
How come it's simple to be happy, but difficult to be simple?
How come just when I have learned the way to live, life changes?
How come little babies are perfect angels until the movie starts?
How come men always have to put the toilet seat down? Why don't women ever have to put it up?
How come nobody has ever seen a fat alien? Why are they all pale-gray and skinny?
How come nothing in the world is more expensive than a girlfriend who's totally free for the weekend?
How come on a 12 oz can of diet Coke, the serving size is 'one can,' which is 12 oz, but on a 20 oz bottle of the same beverage, there are 2.5 servings per bottle, making the serving size 8 oz? Why the discrepancy?
How come only superheroes get to wear their underwear on the outside? If a regular person did it they wouldn't be worshipped and admired, would they? They'd be locked up, right?
How come only women know the difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell?
How come pages in a book never become cat-eared?
How come people always want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention?
How come people don't want to be 'below par' EXCEPT when they're playing golf?
How come people refer to alcoholism as a disease but only refer to smoking tobacco as a bad habit?
How come people will spend money they don't have, to buy things they don't need, to impress people they don't like?
How come politicians insist on being called by their first names while they're campaigning? Yet the moment one's elected back-slappin' good ol' boy Johnny goes ballistic unless he's addressed as the Honorable Jonathan J. Jangleheimer-Smyth III, esq.
How come radio stations only go to 540 on the dial? Do you ever feel you're missing some really good stuff at 480 on the dial?
How come rain drops, but snow falls?
How come salespeople check if you have socks when trying on shoes, but they don't check if you wear underwear when trying on pants?
How come 'silent' and 'listen' are spelled with the same letters?
How come some news reporters mention drug deals gone bad? Aren't all drug deals bad?
How come some people think that just because the two cars in front of them ran the red light, they are entitled to run it themselves?
How come some registration numbers have letters in them?
How come superheroes never need to go to the toilet suddenly?
How come the animal rights activists have not tried to stop the killing of baby mosquitoes?
How come the cookies with LESS fat cost MORE?
How come the elevator always comes after you have put down whatever you were carrying?
How come the invisible man's clothes are invisible too? Where does he shop to get that stuff?
How come the only chip inside my computer is a Dorito?
How come the only thing you can learn from golf books is that you can't learn anything from golf books? And how come you have to read an awful lot of golf books to learn it?
How come the posters advertising the Psychic Fair need the place and time?
How come the stuff parents give children to do when they're bored is more boring than being bored?
How come the sum of the intelligence on the planet remains a constant yet the population continues to grow?
How come there are always two sides to every argument, but no end?
How come there isn't a better way to start a day other than waking up every morning?
How come there's always one more imbecile than you counted on?
How come there's no light that goes on in the freezer?
How come there's not some rule against people winning the lottery then refusing to quit their lousy jobs?
How come they always announce the reporters as reporting live from the scene? Have any of them ever reported dead from the scene?
How come 'too many cooks spoil the broth', but when Mom wants you to help with the cooking, it's 'the more the merrier'?
How come two monologues don't make a dialogue?
How come we all live in the opposite direction of where we work?
How come we can never just rant or just rave? Why do we always have to do both?
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
How come we colour our hair, whiten our teeth, bronze our bodies, and nuke our food, and then worry about harmful chemicals in the environment?
How come we don't have microwave freezers? Then we could freeze a completely thawed-out chicken in 3-5 minutes couldn't we?
How come we never run out of things that can go wrong?
How come we seem to spend more time working for our labor-saving machines than they do working for us?
How come when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not adoor?
How come when I wind up my watch, I start it; but when I wind up a project, I finish it?
How come when that guy turns into the Incredible Hulk, his waist size never changes?
How come when we are skating on thin ice, we usually wind up in hot water?
How come when you finally get your head together, your body starts to come apart?
How come when you first pull the drapery cord the drapes always move the wrong way?
How come when you go in the front door of a church, you're at the back of the church?
How come when you have the trash at the curb at 6 AM they pick it up at noon but if you're running late they picked it up at 5 AM?
How come when you stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaggh' everyone just stares at you? But if you do the same thing on an airplane, everyone joins in?
How come when you walk up behind someone and startle them, they always say, 'Don't scare me like that?' Does this mean that they want to be scared only in a different way?
How come when your check bounces, the bank asks you for even more of what they know you don't have?
How come when you're safe at home you wish you were having an adventure, but when you're having an adventure, you wish you were safe at home?
How come whenever anybody is asked 'if they could change one thing, what would it be', nobody ever answers 'their underwear'?
How come whenever I check the newsgroups the only postings I see are the responses--i.e. the ones beginning with RE:? Whatever happened to the original postings?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
How come you always end up with a bunch of Tupperware bowls in your closets but no lids to cover them with? Where do those things go?
How come you always forget what it was you wanted after you get to the supply room? And why do you always remember when you get back to the other end?
How come you always have thousands of wire coat hangers but never enough paperclips?
How come you have to buy liability insurance for each separate automobile you own? A person covered by this type of insurance can only drive one vehicle at a time, right?
How come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires? Isn't that the basic idea behind the wheel? Don't they rotate on their own?
How come you never hear about boxers with losing records?
How come you never hear the song you've been waiting to hear until it's time to get out of the car?
How come your bottom is in the middle?

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