UARI
Thinkabouts.7

HOME

ABOUT
Disclaimer
Thinkabouts.1
Thinkabouts.2
Thinkabouts.3
Thinkabouts.4
Thinkabouts.5
Thinkabouts.6
Thinkabouts.7
Thinkabouts.8
Thinkathought
Thinkawrite
Thinkadoc

Thinkabouts 3001-3500

What has orange hair, big feet, and comes out of a test tube? Bozo the clone.
What I need is either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
What if God's word is "Whassup?"
What if light fixtures are really insect burial grounds? And they aren't congregating, but mourning?
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about?
What if the Leaning Tower is straight and the world is crooked?
What if they had a race just for nice guys? They can't all be last, can they?
What if we think the joke is on them, but it's really on us?
What if you lived on a one-way dead end road?
What if you opened up a box of Lucky Charms, only to find a toy labeled "fun size condom?" And it was green?
What if you went there but there was no there there?
What is a 'Self-Storage' place? Would they be any cheaper than a hotel?
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
What is a danish called in Denmark?
What is a procrastinating activist? And just what do they do?
What is it that they put in hair dryers that makes it sound like the phone is ringing while using it?
What is that metal thing that holds the eraser to the pencil called?
What is the difference between "partly cloudy" and "partly sunny?"
What is the difference between Mayonnaise and Miracle Whip?
What is the exception to the rule that every rule has an exception? Does that make this rule right or wrong?
What is the exception to the rule that every rule has an exception? Does that make this rule right or wrong?
What is the point of brick wallpaper?
What is the probability that something will happen according to the odds?
What is with all this concern about computer illiteracy? Since when do we expect inanimate objects to read?
What kind of locks do computer keys open?
What kind of people think stuff like this up?
What looks at the full moon and howls "Potatoooooooo?" A werepotato.
What makes Chicago Ill?
What part of a fish is a fish stick? And where on a chicken is a nugget?
What should you do if your Neighborhood Watch signs are stolen overnight?
What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
What the hell, go put all your eggs in one basket.
What will happen if you refrigerate BEFORE opening?
What would a mime do if he really was stuck in a glass box?
What would a radar scrambler do to a bat?
What would be the outcome of crossing a narcoleptic with an insomniac?
What would Darth Vader sound like snoring?
What would happen if Frankenstein didn't have those things sticking out of his neck?
What would happen if one Siamese twin committed suicide?
What would happen if the Flash tripped while running?
What would happen if there was a lightning flash and it stayed on?
What would happen if they found an ancient burial ground underneath a serial killer's house?
What would happen if you had two half baked ideas at the same time?
What would happen if you put a humidifier and a de-humidifier in the same room?
What would have happened if Kuwait's main product was broccoli?
What would of happened if the Ten Commandments were multiple choice?
What would the world be like if there were no hypothetical questions?
What would you do if it was raining anvils?
What would you send to a sick florist?
What would you use to dilute water?
What would you use to dilute water?
What's another word for thesaurus?
What's brown and sticky? A Stick!
What's it like in sixth heaven?
What's it like on cloud eight?
What's so "Magical" about a Magic Marker?
What's so friendly about "friendly fire?"
What's the definition of a will? Hint: It's a dead giveaway.
What's the difference between a pioneer and an illegal alien?
What's the difference between metal and chrome cassettes? Isn't chrome a metal?
What's the dumbest question you've ever been asked? Was that it? Or that? Or that? Or...
What's the point of those signs that say "Stop Sign Ahead?" And if they do serve some meaningful purpose shouldn't there be some " 'Stop Sign Ahead' Sign Ahead" signs?
What's the purpose of training bras? What can we teach them?
What's the sound a name makes when it's dropped?
What's this string on my finger for?
What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? Do they think that if they have a party there may not be enough standing room?
What's with these Donut Shops that advertise that they have 13 in their dozens? Should I feel cheated if I only receive 6 in a half-dozen?
What's with those billboards proclaiming a 'new tradition of service?' Isn't a tradition something that has been going on a long time?
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
What's the difference between coveralls and overalls?
What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?
What's the word for when you can't think of the word?
What's with this nonsense about beauty being only skin deep? Isn't that deep enough? What do you want? An adorable pancreas?
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
When a dog licks you, it's saying: "I love you." When a cat licks you, it's saying: "I wonder what you taste like?"
When a fly lands on the ceiling does it do a half roll or a half loop?
When a mime is outside in heavy winds, wouldn't it make sense to get into that imaginary glass box?
When a person rewrites a poem to make it better does that mean they are reversing themselves?
When a road sign states 'Cross traffic next 64 Miles,' do you wonder what made it angry?
When a spy goes to bed would you call him an undercover agent?
When a storm dies down why do we say it lets up?
When a taxidermist stuffs his Thanksgiving turkey, does he leave the head and feathers on?
When all else fails, follow the instructions.
When all is said and done, much more is said than done.
When an elevator is illegally overloaded with passengers who is criminally responsible?
When Batman was designing his costume, do you think he turned to Alfred and said, 'What do you think? Shorts inside or outside the tights'?
When blind people go to the bathroom, how do they know when they are done wiping their butt?
When blind people go to the bathroom, how do they know when they are done wiping their butt?
When blind people have a life threatening experience do their lives flash before there ears?
When cave men got together, did they form clubs?
When changing a tire why is it that the last lug-nut never seems to want to come off?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
When cleaning windows why is the smudge always on the other side?
When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.
When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane.
When Destiny comes knocking at my door, I hope I'm not in the bathroom.
When Detroit was in its music heyday, it was called Motown, right? So now that most music is recorded in other places, is it called NoMotown?
When did traffic accidents become a spectator sport?
When does something go from being an 'old piece of junk' to being a 'valuable antique?'
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
When exactly do the saints come marching in?
When flying on an airplane and your pilot's name is Jack can you say 'Hi' to him?
When going on a seven day trip a man pack five days worth of clothes because he will wear some things twice but a woman will pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my father did, not screaming in terror like his passengers.
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
When I get to where I'm going, will somebody please tell me where I am?
When I was expelled from cooking school it left a bad taste in my mouth.
When I was in the third grade I used to play with matches all the time. Then one day, something made me stop. I accidentally scraped one across a rough surface and it caught on fire!
When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
When I'm feeling down I like to whistle...it makes my neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
When in trouble, or in doubt/run in circles, scream and shout.
When it comes to thought some people stop at nothing.
When it rains cats and dogs, does that mean we step in poodles?
When it rains in the summer, do cotton fields shrink?
When it rains the sky is completely covered in clouds. How does the rain get through?
When Jesus was a baby did he crawl on water?
When my computer tells me that I have 'performed an illegal operation' which government agency will indict me for malpractice?
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.
When nudists die, do they get buried in clothes?
When people are being humorous why do we say they are light-hearted? Can heavy people be humorous too?
When people file into a theatre why do the first ones in always sit in the aisle seats and thus forcing everyone else to step over them to get to their seats? And why do those people sit next to the first people causing the same situation for others?
When people lose weight, where does it go?
When pills are to be taken in twos why do they always come out of the bottle in threes?
When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.
When politicians govern as if the ends justify the means, will the ends be full of meanies?
When rats leave a sinking ship where exactly do they think they're going?
When she got married, she got a new name and a dress.
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but only 4 to extend your arm and slap them.
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
When someone offers you a spot of tea, do they give you a piece of their stained tablecloth?
When someone says they are a pathological liar should you believe them?
When someone travels in a straight line why do we say they made a bee-line? Have you ever seen a bee fly from flower to flower? It's not very straight, is it?
When the blind leadeth the blind, get out of the way!
When the chipmunks inhale helium do they sing in a deep voice?
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
When the electric iron was invented, was there a press conference?
When the going gets tough, the tough use duct tape!
When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
When the poor steal from the middle class it's called robbery; when the middle class steal from the rich it's called embezzlement; and when the rich steal from the poor it's called business.
When they first invented the clock how did they know what time it was to set it?
When they say that something is 'maintenance-free' do they really mean that when it breaks it can't be fixed?
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
When vultures are on their deathbed are they ever tempted to eat themselves?
When we see a gull fly over the sea we call it a seagull, so if we see it flying over a bay should we call it a bagel?
When were the good-old days?
When you breathe, you inspire. When you don't breathe, you expire.
When you buy a low mileage used car, do you ever wonder if the previous owner only drove it back and forth to the repair shop?
When you clone a cow from another cow, and the two cows meet, do they experience Deja moo?
When you die, you've lost an important part of your life.
When you dine out and all the waiters are wearing gloves do you ever wonder what's in the food that they're afraid of?
When you fill out a form, why do you fill it in?
When you fix your dog why doesn't it work anymore?
When you give water to the dog you say you watered the dog. So if you give milk to the cat have you milked the cat?
When you go into a hotel you always see reception. Why do you never see just ception? And if you didn't check in, would that be conception? When you check out, is that deception?
When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
When you go to a fancy restaurant where they give you a fork with three tines is it called a threek?
When you have your picture taken with Mickey Mouse at Disneyland does the guy inside the costume smile for the camera?
When you lose a debating contest, can you ask for a 'rebate'?
When you open a big bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
When you receive mail that says 'To be opened by recipient only,' how could you open it if you did not receive it?
When you see a sign that says 'Speed Limit Strictly Enforced,' does that mean that in some places the speed limit isn't so strictly enforced?
When you see someone acting stupid, do you ever consider that it might be the real thing?
When you send mail to the Post Office who delivers it?
When you travel west you gain an hour every time you cross a time zone. If you traveled far enough and fast enough would you travel back in time?
When you turn out the light, all the furniture moves.
When you want the air conditioner to cool you more do you turn it up or do you turn it down?
When you write copy you have the right to copyright the copy you write. You can write good and copyright, but copyright doesn't mean copy good - it might not be right good copy, right?
When you're overstressed does your cope runneth over?
When you're swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray!
When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable why do you suddenly have to go to the bathroom?
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
When you're promised the Earth, how come you're invariably treated like dirt?
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
Whenever you feel like letting the world pass you by, keep the posted speed limit.
Whenever you see the handwriting on the wall, why are you always in a public restroom?
Where are the other 56 varieties of ketchup?
Where can you buy a remote that turns the pages on a newspaper?
Where can you buy nicotine patches to cure you from addiction to second hand smoke? Or would used ones do the trick?
Where do Forest Rangers go to get away from it all? Detroit?
Where do socks go when they get lost in the dryer?
Where do the gophers and prairie dogs hide the dirt from the holes they make in the ground? Surely that little bit they have by their entrances can't be all of it, can it?
Where do the songs go on the radio when you turn it off?
Where do they get Spring water in the other 3 seasons?
Where do tumble weeds tumble to?
Where does lint come from? I mean, it's not there before you dry your clothes! And while your drying, just what happens to all the socks you lose? Are they turned into lint?
Where does the tire tread go?
Where does the white go when the snow melts?
Where exactly are the 'Ends of the Earth' that everybody is going to?
Where in the world do you reside? And for that matter, where did you side in the first place?
Where is 'The Blue' that people are always coming out of?
Where is Kingdom Come? And how hard would my mama have'ta slap me to knock me there?
Where patience fails, force prevails
Where there's a whip, there's a way.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
Where there's dust, there's dirt.
Wherever you go... there you are!
Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet.
Which came first the chicken or the various other things that taste like chicken?
Which came first, orange the color or orange the fruit?
Which came first: the ring or the ring finger?
Which end of an egg comes out of the chicken first?
Which is correct: semi-literate or semi-illiterate?
Which marketing genius at Trident thought that the Latin word for 'three teeth' would be a good name for a sugarless gum?
Which ones are the kibbles and which ones are the bits?
While it is true that money cannot buy happiness, it can pay for the therapist to help you overcome the misery.
While watching the flamingos at the zoo, standing serenely on one leg, have you ever wished you had your bowling ball handy?
Who actually thinks these questions up?
Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
Who are you? And where are we going in this handbasket?
Who cares about apathy?
Who cares if you know 90 percent of the answers on Jeopardy? The hard part is knowing the questions.
Who cares whether the glass is half full or half empty? Shouldn't the question be who's been drinking out of my glass?
Who coined the phrase 'coined the phrase?'
Who decided on the names of the colors?
Who decided that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
Who decided the size of toilet paper? And does anyone use only one square?
Who did put the Bop in the Bop-Sha-Bop-Sha-Bop?
Who did put the Ram in the Ram-a-Lam-a-Ding-Dong?
Who did what for how many purple Twinkies?
Who do 911 operators call when there's a fire?
Who do you call if your tow truck breaks down?
Who in the Sam Hill IS Sam Hill?
Who invented accents?
Who invented accents?
Who invented Mexican food?
Who is All? And why is he lost?
Who is Moly? And why is he Holy?
Who is the amateur cameraman that manages to get footage from all the major disasters?
Who kicks the bouncer out when he gets rowdy?
Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
Who needs the bible when there are bumper stickers to tell me right and wrong?
Who posed for the Statue of Liberty?
Who says "Plan ahead?" It's impossible to plan afterwards.
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing it for years.
Who shuts the door when the bus driver gets off?
Who took the bite out of the Apple logo?
Who would win if the Energizer Rabbit and the Road Runner ever got into a fight?
Who's on the face of Mickey Mouse's watch?
Whoever said "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" never got hit by a Webster's truck.
Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried to slam a revolving door.
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposite things?
Why are baby predators cuter than baby harmless creatures?
Why are boxing rings square?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
Why are cars called cars?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Why are fire extinguishers labeled 'Non-Flammable?'
Why are geese so noisy when they are flying overhead? What are they saying to themselves? Could it be "Don't look down?"
Why are less than graceful persons labeled as having 'two left feet?' Wouldn't two right feet be just as clumsy?
Why are men's and women's shoe sizes different for the same size foot?
Why are pandas always given the same-same name-name twice-twice?
Why are pennies bigger than dimes?
Why are pennies bigger than dimes?
Why are people so concerned about expiration dates on their food and drink? Isn't the water we drink everyday about three billion years old? It hasn't hurt us yet has it?
Why are pizza boxes square when the pizza is round?
Why are pizza boxes square when the pizza is round?
Why are raisin without seeds called 'seedless' but prunes without pits are called 'pitted'? What is so wrong with the word 'pitless'?
Why are rubber duckies yellow when most real ducks are not?
Why are shoes forever sticking their tongues out at people?
Why are so many marriage counselors divorced or single?
Why are socks angled at 120 degrees when the human foot is angled at about 90 degrees?
Why are some people afraid to die? Why don't they just not be there when it happens?
Why are teenagers expected to be mature enough to make their own decisions about clothing, dating, etc, but their parents won't let them?
Why are the 'Save The Trees' signs made of paper?
Why are the mothers in disney cartoons either dead, soon to be dead, or just evil?
Why are there five syllables in the word 'monosyllabic?'
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there signs about using the stairs in case of fire...posted in the elevators?
Why are there signs that indicate a building has been architecturally designed? Who else would design a building? A butcher?
Why are there sometimes 'Other' categories in the 'Miscellaneous' section?
Why are they called "Drive-thru windows" when you can't drive through them?
Why are they called "hemorrhoids" and not "asteroids?"
Why are they called "Ohio Blue-tipped matches" when the tips are white?
Why are they called apartments when they're all together?
Why are they called cowboys? Cows are girls and bulls are boys aren't they? Shouldn't they be called bullboys?
Why are they called Monkey Wrenches? How many times have you seen a monkey using them?
Why are things like they are? Why aren't they different?
Why are things typed UP but written DOWN?
Why are Trix only for kids?
Why are you reading this page?
Why aren't food stamps edible?
Why aren't there marching bands with kazoos and accordions?
Why bother cloning sheep? Don't they look enough alike already?
Why can every sophomore in high school find a drug dealer but the FBI can't?
Why can I never find my book after setting it down for twenty seconds?
Why can I remember the tiniest detail that has happened to me, but not remember how many times I have told it to the same person?
Why can you never buy a bottle of shampoo without 25% extra in it?
Why can't life's problems hit us when we're 17 and know everything?
Why can't women not use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading?
Why can't you buy a decaffeinated coffee table?
Why can't you get a student discount on your tuition?
Why can't you remove those warning tags from mattresses?
Why can't you rewind both sides of a tape?
Why can't you write 'Dyslexia' as 'Dalyslix'?
Why can't there be a quick and easy cure for impatience?
Why choose the lesser of two evils?
Why did Heinz tomato ketchup make it a selling point that their sauce is so slow to come out of the bottle and then forget it was a good thing when the 'squeezy' bottle came along?
Why did so many dead animals in the past change into fossils while others preferred to change into oil?
Why did the Mexican throw his wife off the cliff? TEQUILA!
Why did the U.S. Supreme Court rule that it is illegal for a high school team to pray before football games, but if you ever have to testify in court, you have to swear on a Bible?
Why did the Wicked Witch have a bucket of water in her castle if she was so allergic to it in the first place?
Why did they call the show "Mission: Impossible" when they always completed their mission?
Why did they only put twelve hours on a clock when there are twenty-four hours in a day?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why didn't somebody warn me that I shouldn't shave my mustache off after a summer in the sun? Now I look like the 'Got Milk?' commercial.
Why do 'boil-in-the-bag' rice packets say to stand in boiling water for 10 minutes? Wouldn't that hurt your feet?
Why do "beat up" and "beat down" mean the same thing?
Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean different things?
Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why do air mattresses always drift out to sea even with the tide coming in?
Why do airlines call flights nonstop? Won't they all stop eventually?
Why do aliens always abduct stupid people?
Why do all of those beer ads brag about how cold their beer is? Shouldn't that be an ad for a refrigerator?
Why do all the female aliens in Star Trek have beautiful humanoid bodies and an urgent need to grasp the concept that we humans call 'Love?'
Why do all the TV stations show their commercials at the same time?
Why do all things banana-flavored taste exactly alike yet nothing like banana?
Why do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?
Why do bare feet magnetize sharp objects so that they always point upward from the floor? Especially in the dark.
Why do birds have white poop?
Why do birds have white poop?
Why do ceiling fan blades get dusty despite constant spinning?
Why do commercials refer to themselves as the 'Number One leader in their field?' Just how many leaders can you have? Would you be in bad shape if you were the Number Nine leader in your field?
Why do commercials use well known actors to portray actual users of the product and not themselves and expect us to believe them? I mean, they're actors, right? They make up stuff on camera for a living.
Why do commercials usually have nothing to do with the product?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
Why do dentists tell you not to use anything sharp to clean your teeth, yet when you go in for a check up, the first thing they do is poke your teeth with a sharp metal pick?
Why do doctors ask "What seems to be the problem today?" They're the doctor! Shouldn't they be telling us?
Why do doctors prescribe pain pills when I already HAVE pain?
Why do ducks spend their lives in water but get under cover when it's raining?
Why do fingers and toes wrinkle in the bath but not the rest of our body?
Why do Flight Attendants always show where the emergency exits are? In the event of a crash wouldn't it be easier to go out the large gaping hole in the side of the plane?
Why do golfers blame fate for most accidents but feel personally responsible when they make a hole-in-one?
Why do gynecologists leave the room to let the patients get undressed? Aren't they going to come back and look?
Why do hidden flaws never remain hidden?
Why do hot dogs come in packs of 10 and hot dog buns come in packs of 8?
Why do hotdogs come in packs of 8 when hotdog rolls come in packs of 10?
Why do humans think they are smarter than elephants or marine mammals? After all, when you think about it, the elephants and whales have larger brains, they don't have to work, and they have no reason to worry. Who do you think is the smarter?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why do magazines like Women's Day or Good Housekeeping have Chocolate-Raspberry-Mousse-Almond-Bark-Gingerbread-Orange-Cake on the cover and then feature thirty stories in the magazine about losing weight?
Why do margarine companies always put the words 'REAL Margarine' on their packaging? Is there really such a thing as FAKE fake butter?
Why do mattresses have springs if they aren't made for jumping on?
Why do most bosses think the best reward for a job well done is more work?
Why do newspapers report that so and so turned up missing? If he turned up how can he be missing?
Why do newspeople report power outages on TV?
Why do only women understand the reason for guest towels and the good china?
Why do people always ask questions? And stupid ones at that?
Why do people always ask where that door goes to? Don't doors always stay where they are?
Why do people always build their houses outside?
Why do people always remember where they were when someone famous was killed? Do they feel perhaps they'll need an alibi?
Why do people always say 'Its clouding up?' How come no one ever says 'Its clouding down?'
Why do people ask how long you are going to be gone on vacation? Won't you be gone the whole time?
Why do people ask if they can BORROW a Kleenex from you? They surely don't think you'll want it back after they use it do they?
Why do people ask me if I'm losing my hair? I didn't lose it. It deserted me!
Why do people ask us if we are awake? Isn't 'yes' the only answer possible?
Why do people ask us what hand we write with? Don't they know that it's best to use a pen?
Why do people continually order a cafe au lait with milk?
Why do people have "hot water heaters?" If your water is hot, why heat it?
Why do people in a convertible with the top down have air fresheners hanging from their rear-view mirrors? Just how powerful do they think those things are anyway?
Why do people need a lot of money when they don't have any time to spend it?
Why do people on a sit-in say that they are standing up for their rights?
Why do people point at their wrists when they ask what time it is? I know where my watch is! Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?
Why do people say 'I think not?' That's not something to brag about is it?
Why do people say 'tuna fish?' They don't say 'beef mammal' do they?
Why do people say 'watch your head' when there is no possible way that you can do that?
Why do people say ATM machine? The "M" stands for machine.
Why do people say don't waste water when that's what two-thirds of the planet is made of?
Why do people say 'get well soon'? Shouldn't they say, 'get well now'? Do they want people to stay sick for a little while longer?
Why do people say HIV virus? The "V" stands for virus.
Why do people say I don't have a life? If that's true then why does it take up so much of my time?
Why do people say they don't go anywhere? Don't we all take an annual trip around the sun?
Why do people sit in stands?
Why do people sitting alone in their cars at a traffic light assume they've become invisible and start to pick their nose?
Why do people start to speed up just when you start to pass them?
Why do people tell me I'm conceited? Isn't conceit when you think that you are better than someone else? I know that I'm better, so I'm not conceited, right?
Why do people think that "All Natural" products are always somehow better for them? Arsenic and cyanide are all natural.
Why do people water their lawns after a rainstorm?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Why do people who only eat natural foods drink decaffeinated coffee?
Why do people who only eat natural foods drink decaffeinated coffee?
Why do people with teenagers think they need a self-cleaning refrigerator?
Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?
Why do phone psychics have to ask for your credit card number?
Why do pilots say "We are now making our final approach?" Did they make other approaches that they didn't tell you about?
Why do psychiatrists tell you to speak freely and then try to charge you $90 an hour?
Why do psychics have to ask for your name?
Why do radio stations interrupt "60 minutes of uninterrupted music" to tell you you're listening to "60 minutes of uninterrupted music?"
Why do roaches die upside down?
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
Why do some advertisements say 'Free with Purchase?' If you have to purchase something then its not free is it?
Why do some Americans make fun of Canadians saying 'eh,' when they say 'y'all?' Eh?
Why do some car commercials show cars sliding on wet roads? Wouldn't you rather have a car that didn't slide?
Why do some hair dryers have the warning "Do not use in shower?" Anyone who does that deserves what they'll get.
Why do some parents tell their kids not to run with a pointed object because they may trip and poke their eye out? Wouldn't they poke their eye IN?
Why do some people say that capital punishment is not a deterrent to violent crime? Have you ever heard of an executed criminal who continues to commit crimes?
Why do some people think that flossing is a pain in the butt? Do you think that perhaps they are not doing it right?
Why do some people watch flocks of birds go by with their mouths open? Isn't that asking for it?
Why do some people watch the same movie several times? Do they think there's a chance the movie will end differently?
Why do some pharmacies attach a sticker to prescriptions that reads 'Taking this medicine alone or with alcohol may lessen your ability to drive or perform hazardous tasks?" Doesn't the alcohol do this by itself?
Why do some prescriptions say on the bottle, 'not for people with serious heart conditions?' Is there such a thing as a non-serious heart problem?
Why do some reports have a blank page with "This page is left blank intentionally" on it? It's not blank if you print that message on it.
Why do some restaurants have a sign by the entrance that reads Please wait for hostess to be seated? Aren't we the ones that want to sit down to eat?
Why do some used car dealerships display a sign that reads "These cars won't last long?"
Why do television stations report power outages?
Why do the hours at work drag on endlessly when the years seem to fly by?
Why do the instructions for a mildew remover say "Use in well ventilated area?" There wouldn't be any mildew if it were well ventilated in the first place right!?
Why do the instructions on bottles of underarm deodorant say "Rub onto underarms?" Where else are you going to put it? In your hair?
Why do the minute hands on school clocks always click backward before advancing?
Why do the people who wear the worst perfume always wear the most perfume?
Why do the sick people have to walk all the way to the back of the pharmacy for medicine when cigarettes can be purchased at the front door?
Why do they call cellular phones wireless? They are full of wires, aren't they?
Why do they call it "cable" when you're getting "hosed?"
Why do they call it a black light when it's really purple?
Why do they call it a black light when it's really purple?
Why do they call it a flea market? Can't it be say, an aphid market? Or a tick market? Do fleas shop?
Why do they call it a pick-up truck if you have to load it?
Why do they call it a vacuum cleaner? Aren't vacuums supposed to be completely empty and void of any thing? Why would they need to be cleaned if there's nothing in there?
Why do they call it canning if they put it in jars?
Why do they call it disposable douche? Is there a kind of douche you keep after using?
Why do they call it disposable douche? Is there a kind of douche you keep after using?
Why do they call the speed of light "warp" speed? Doesn't light travel in a straight line?
Why do they call them 'buildings' when they are already built?
Why do they call them "standing committees" when they always seem to be sitting down?
Why do they call them billboards? Why not bobboards?
Why do they call them briefings when they take so long?
Why do they call them loud speakers? Have you ever seen a silent speaker?
Why do they call them man-eating sharks? Don't they eat women too?
Why do they call them Milkshakes if there already shook? Shouldn't they call them Milkshooks?
Why do they call them permanents if they are only temporary?
Why do they call warm water lukewarm? Did someone named Luke discover it?
Why do they give traffic reports on the 5 o'clock TV news? If anyone's watching it they're probably already home, right?
Why do they have pushbrooms but no pullbrooms?
Why do they insist on putting up those signs that say "In case of fire, do not use elevator?" Wouldn't most people try to use water rather than an elevator?
Why do they let dyslexics write on the front of ambulances?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do they put Canadian bacon on Hawaiian Pizza?
Why do they put frosted glass in airplane windows? Who is going to see you at 30,000 feet?
Why do they put locks on cemetery gates? Afraid of a break in? Or maybe a break out?
Why do they put nutrition information labels on bottled water?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we suppose to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on postage stamps so the mail carriers can look for them while they deliver the mail?
Why do they put the little kosher mark on Easter candy?
Why do they put up signs that read "Wet Floor," and then get really mad when you do?
Why do they say that money doesn't grow on trees? Technically, doesn't all paper money come from trees?
Why do they say that we should fight fire with fire? Doesn't the Fire Department use water?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Why do they tell us that clothes make the man when they also tell us not to judge a book by it's cover?
Why do they use fruit in slot machines?
Why do things become so much more obvious just as you ask a question out loud?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
Why do toasters have settings that burn food so bad that no human would actually eat it?
Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up?
Why do tubes of icing say "Knead before using?" You obviously wouldn't be using them in the first place if you didn't knead them right?
Why do tug boats push barges?
Why do vegetarians murder innocent, defenseless plants? They can't even run away...
Why do we always take off our waterproof watch before we take a bath but not before we get in the hot tub?
Why do we call baby people and baby goats 'kids?' What makes these two species different from the others? Better yet, what exactly makes them the same?
Why do we call dead people 'late?' It isn't their fault that they aren't there on time. They're dead, aren't they?
Why do we call it a bedroom if a bed is not the only thing that is in there?
Why do we call it a TV 'set' when you only get one?
Why do we call it government when it should be governmeant?
Why do we call them "stands" if we sit on them?
Why do we call them a 'pair' of pants (shorts, etc.) if we only get one?
Why do we call them mobile homes when 99% of them are not?
Why do we call them Sanitary Landfills? You won't find me having a picnic there!
Why do we call this planet "Earth," when 90% of it is water?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why do we drive under overpasses and over underpasses?
Why do we get ON a bus or train but get INTO a car or truck?
Why do we have to clean up for the cleaning lady?
Why do we have to dry-clean raincoats?
Why do we hear about a million times a year about how much people exaggerate?
Why do we keep hearing about people who work longer hours? Aren't they all still 60 minutes long?
Why do we know all the answers at 17, but don't understand the questions until we're 40?
Why do we leave our cars worth thousands of dollars on the driveway and put useless things and boxes of junk in the garage?
Why do we lift a thumb to thumb a lift?
Why do we look in our handkerchiefs after blowing our nose?
Why do we make maps with North at the top? Couldn't it really be the other way around?
Why do we not hear about shallow-sea divers?
Why do we often say: "Close the window it's cold outside?" Nevertheless after the window is closed it's still cold outside?
Why do we persist in teaching our babies to walk and talk and then spend the rest of our lives telling them to sit down and shut up?
Why do we play at a recital and recite at a play?
Why do we put "Former Experience" on our Resumes? How can we have experience that's not former?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
Why do we say "Who gives a rat's ass?" I mean, who'd want to receive a rat's ass?
Why do we say a computer CRASHES when it actually stays intact? Shouldn't we say it IMPLODES, since everything inside of the computer dies?
Why do we say a house burns up when it burns down?
Why do we say something is "out of whack?" What is Whack? Is it good if something is "in whack?"
Why do we say something is made out of solid glass? Is there any other kind?
Why do we say something's out of order when its broken but we never say "in of order" when it works?
Why do we say that things are always in the last place we looked? Who actually keeps looking for something after they've found it?
Why do we say to get on the plane when we're actually getting in it?
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there?
Why do we sometimes say 'the kettle is boiling?' Isn't it just the water that is boiling?

1995-2002 Up And Running, Inc.