About Me

Failure to read, understand, and follow the warnings contained herin may forfit some or all of the rights you have.

Any text following (hereafter referred to as the "Thinkabouts") does not necessarily reflect the thoughts or opinions of myself, my company, my friends, or my cats. Don't quote me on that. Don't quote me on anything. All rights reserved. The Thinkabouts are copyrighted to the extent that you may distribute them and all their associated parts freely but you may not make a profit from them or include them in commercial publications without giving me some (some of what you're getting), or at least getting written permission from the President (or me). The publisher and author disclaim any liability for any injury, harm, damage or destruction from use, proper or improper, that may come from reading the Thinkabouts. Other copyright laws for specific Thinkabouts apply wherever noted. No explanations of the Thinkabouts will be given at any time, for any reason, to anyone, regardless of need. Failure to follow the rules for safe Thinkabout reading and the instructions and recommendations printed within and herein may result in temporary or permanent loss of sanity, including: paranoia, schizophrenia, uncontrollable laughing and/or chuckling, inappropriate joke timing, loss of interest in other activities, and/or death. Thinkabouts are subject to change without notice. Thinkabouts are slightly enlarged to show detail. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and merely fortuitous. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. For recreational use only. For best results, avoid doing anything stupid. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. Thinkabouts in mirror are funnier than they appear. Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle. Thinkabouts have been shown to cause laughter in laboratory mice. No substitutions allowed. Some Thinkabouts are not suited for small children, teens entering puberty, adults, or senior citizens. For a limited time only. Thinkabouts are sold by weight, not volume. Some settling may occur during shipping. This humorous offer is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Do not attempt this at home. If you are not fully satisfied with this product, please call us and well tell you where to stick it. Thinkabouts have been rated S (Strange) for language, bad puns, offensive phrases, sick and ghastly ideas, and all other content. Some theories of quantum physics state that when not directly being observed, the Thinkabouts will cease to exist, or exist in a vague and nebulous state. This product is not suitable for all children under 12 and those who are unopen to new jokes. Humor is provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied. An equal opportunity Thinkabout employer. No shoes, no shirt, no Thinkabouts. Quantities are limited while supplies last. If defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized Thinkabout service center. Do not attempt to return to place of purchase. Read at your own risk. Reading these Thinkabouts may cause the dylathiam matrix to become flooded with gamma-gozer rays, causing the Vegan Stabalizorama to become locked in the nth degree and to create hydrochloric gearing of the downloading process of chocolate doh-doh rays from space. Parental advisory - explicit lyrics, concepts, and ideas. Text may contain Thinkabouts some readers may find objectionable. Parental guidance is advised. Thinkabouts are made of 100% mater. If they should come in contact with antimatter of any form, a catastrophic explosion will result. Do not attempt any of the activities in the Thinkabouts, especially thought. Keep away from sunlight, pets, and small children. Limit one per-person per-visit, please. No money down. No purchase necessary. Handle with care. You need not be present to win, Some assembly required. Batteries are not included. Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Safety goggles may be required during use. Sealed for your protection, do not use if the safety seal is broken. Call before you dig. Use Thinkabouts only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Thinkabouts may be too intense for some viewers. See store manager for details. For external use only. If a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use of the Thinkabouts. If symptoms persist, consult a humorologist. The Thinkabouts are not guaranteed to be completely safe, reliable, complete, or accurate, nor should it be considered a substitute for good judgement and/or common sense. Fire Hazard: If placed in or near an open flame, the Thinkabouts will burn. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. If ingested, do not induce vomiting. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. Please read with Extreme Caution. Thinkabouts may cause mental overload. Up And Running, Inc. is not responsible for lost or damaged brain cells due to viewing this product. Keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling fumes. Use only with adequate ventilation. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not place near flammable or magnetic source. Smoking these Thinkabouts may be hazardous to your health. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a good laugh. Professional joker on a closed course. Apply Thinkabouts evenly and liberally to all exposed areas and reapply after prolonged laughing, giggling, snorting and/or guffawing. For best results, squeeze from the bottom. Thinkabouts have been shown to be effective Boredom-Preventive list when used regularly. Use of the Thinkabouts may disrupt the Time-Space continuum, causing hours to vanish unaccounted for. Not enough lawyers were harmed in the making of the Thinkabouts. Hazardous: May cause severe irritation of found offensive. Use with caution. Do not refill. Read. Laugh. Repeat. For best results, use daily or as recommended by a humorologist. Try to avoid swallowing this product. Failure to store these Thinkabouts carefully may adversely affect what humor there is, as well as increasing the possible risk of insanity due to stale puns. Thinkabouts contains natural laugh-inducing stimulants which may cause severe reactions in some individuals. Thinkabouts does not come from jokers treated with the hormone rBST. Text used in these Thinkabouts is made from 100% recycled particles. No animals were used to test the hilarity of these Thinkabouts. No salt, MSG, artificial color, or artificial flavor added. Thinkabouts are ribbed for your pleasure. Slippery when wet. Possible penalties for early withdrawal. Joke offer valid only at participating stores. Some material may be suitable for adults. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user serviceable parts inside. Under no circumstances should the Thinkabouts be used as a floatation device. Sliding fingers quickly along page edges could result in paper cuts. Best if used before date on carton. Subject to change without notification. One size fits all. Colors may fade. For official use only. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error, or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Penalty for private use. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Watch for Falling Rocks. Thinkabouts are sanitized for your protection. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of Dog. Beware of Cat. Beware of Slurpee. Reading the Thinkabouts can affect the dimensionality of your mind, change the curvature of your spine, cause the growth of hair on your palms, and make a difference in the outcome of your favorite war. May be harmful if inhaled. Thinkabouts under pressure. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. The entire known universe may someday collapse back into an infinitesimally small volume. If the universe should thereafter re-expand, continued existence of the Thinkabouts is not guaranteed. No passes accepted for this engagement. Price does not include taxes. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No anchovies unless otherwise specified; may contain peanuts. First pull up, then pull down. Driver does not carry cash. 25 city, 35 highway. Actual mileage may vary depending on usage. Do not use Thinkabouts if wrapper is punctured. Refrigerate after opening. Thinkabouts contain less than 1% alcohol. Remove before flight. Prices may vary. Disclaimer does not cover damage to Thinkabouts incurred by hurricane, lightning, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, flood, and other Acts of God; misuse, neglect, unauthorized repair, damage from improper installation, broken antenna or marred cabinet, cracked chair, incorrect line voltage, missing or altered serial numbers, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, customer adjustments that are not covered in the instructions; and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, leaky roof, broken glass, falling rocks, mud slides, forest fire, or flying projectiles. Other restrictions may apply. Void where prohibited by law. If something offends you, lighten up, get a life, and move on.

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